The Gate to My Very Own Colors

Artistic nude photo called “The Gate to My Very Own Colors”. A metaphoric story that takes you to your gate to happiness, where time doesn’t wait.

I’m at the gate, on the edge.

I close my eyes. I take a deep breath. I made it. I’m watching my happiness in colors. It’s there. I can now reach it. One step away. I left everything behind. I’m so light now. I made my way out, through all the darkness the so-called ‘destiny’ has placed on my path. All the obstacles are just a long forgotten memory.

    It was always only in my head. I thought it was hard, I thought I can’t do it – but, in the end, I realized that I only stumbled because I wanted to. I wanted to taste the darkness, to feel it, to allow it inside me – to make it mine, mine and only mine. And I did, for so long. Until I got tired of it. It’s boring. Black is boring. I want colors. I want to make love with my new colors, and  make them fall in love with my new self. The colors are silly, they will love me. They are not like my ex, the dark; that one was bold, thrilling in its darkness, evil in its ways.

The colors are silly, they will love me. They are not like my ex, the dark; that one was bold, thrilling in its darkness, evil in its ways, cruel in its manners. Its cold made me want to warm it, it’s anger made me want to calm it, its evilness made me want to show kindness, its lack of light made me want to light up… And I did, forced by my lack of self-love. But I had to pretend. I had to make it believe that I’m like it – so dark. I wanted it to love me for something that I’m not. I wanted to belong. In the end, I wanted to change it. I thought it can be better. I failed. So I thought I’m worse than even the darkness itself. So I stayed. Who would want something worse

    And I did, forced by my lack of self-love. But I had to pretend. I had to make it believe that I’m like it – so dark. I wanted it to love me for something that I’m not. I wanted to belong, I wanted to be confirmed. And, in the end, I wanted to change it. I thought it can be better. I badly failed. So I thought I’m worse than even the darkness itself. So I stayed. Who would want something worse than the dark?

   I thanked the darkness for allowing me around. I did whatever the darkness was asking me to. Even more. I wanted to impress. I became the darkness, at its worst. As a reward, I was promoted to be the dark’s right hand. It treated me more than the darkness could – it showed me no mercy, no feelings, no gratitude. It just kept demanding more and more. That’s what I deserve, I thought.

  Somehow, deep down inside me, I wanted to punish myself for the wrong I’ve never done. This feeling was omnipresent. I accepted it gladly, taking pleasure in my torture. Until one night. Suddenly, I felt no more pleasure in my torment. Suddenly, I wanted to get out. Out of everywhere and out of everything. I wanted to brake my chains so badly; at first with every cell, then with everything I had. Hipocritically, I was longing for… light. I was longing for my freedom. The dark tried to stop me. It even made a promise… one I was once unable to decline; after all this time, the darkness noticed my desires… after all this time the darkness showed that it wants me there, with it… I once cared so much for its desires, so much for its respect; I once wanted with all my being to hear this… but no more!

   Surprisingly, I didn’t care. I couldn’t care less actually. I just wanted to leave. With every begging I was hearing, with every tear i was feeling, I wanted more and more to get out. I could not even get mad. I was serene. So I left. My head was declining the request to look back. The way was dark, I was confused about my path, but my legs couldn’t stop – they were the masters of the roads, they knew the way, somehow. I kept going and going. I was blind, and in my

  So I left. My head was declining the request to look back. The way was dark, I was not straight, I was confused about my path, but I had friends – my legs couldn’t stop – they were the masters of the roads – they knew the way, somehow. I kept going and going. I was blind, and in my blindness, I forgot to taste the light that it was flowing everywhere. Here, now. Once you taste it, you can see again. So I was. Desperately devouring it. It relieved my deep hunger.

 The droplets of light were playing with my bare feet… like in a game of hide and seek. So I followed, and followed. The path was warm, so warm that the darkness started to ignite, and the gold colors started to dance further away… I was like an insect driven by the light; only in my case, it was the young feelings of happiness I started to explore.

   The path went larger and clearer. For the first time, I know where I want to go. For the first time I have a purpose. I am that purpose. I matter. I feel it, I don’t just say it.

  The colors went playing on my skin now, with their silly clumsy moves. They’re lovely. They smile. I smile back, in an instant. No, wait, I actually laugh. I laugh so loud that my laugh has its own laugh. And yet, I’m not embarrassed. I feel that in my stupidity I am allowed to laugh more. Yes, I’m allowed! I allow myself.

I wonder why I didn’t do this before. I wonder why. It no matter now. I only have one way, and that way is showered with my very own colors!

I stretch my arms wide open and I reach my true colors. They fit so well. Silly me, they were always mine to fit. My colors are so beautiful

 I stop and I stare. I am relaxed, I am comfortable. All my dreams are there, one step away. They are so beautiful, like I always wanted to imagine. And more.

 I made it, so I want to rest a bit. I stop on the edge. Happiness is there, and it will be there tomorrow as well. So, why hurry? It’s easy to get it, and, I will get it as soon as I’m rested enough… I have time, no need to move ahead now… I stay in the shadows and let the light come to me…

I open my eyes. Seems like an eternity passed on this edge. I waited for too long. I thought time will wait. So much happened in this one second. One second is too much waiting.

Be the model


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